


addicted to your light

by bethchildz



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: F/F, i'm (not) sorry, jen is a lesbian, this is literally just sex and feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:34:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24574639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bethchildz/pseuds/bethchildz
Summary: "Being with a woman was different. Being with Judy was different."Jen slowly comes to terms with her sexuality, and the fact she may just be in love with her best friend.
Relationships: Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Comments: 29
Kudos: 207





	addicted to your light

**Author's Note:**

> This is essentially just shameless smut with a whole lot of fluff and not even a semblance of plot, but I had the inspiration to finally write something else for my favourite ship, so I can't even be mad. It's set some time after season 2 but no plot is mentioned.

The first time they slept together it took Jen entirely by surprise. 

Really, it was like any other day; Judy had woken up long before anyone else so she could make breakfast before Charlie and Henry got up for school, and just like every morning, Jen had entered the kitchen to find her softly swaying to a pop song on the radio, a spatula in hand, and the smell of pancakes filling the air. The morning couldn’t have been more ordinary for the Harding-Hale household, and maybe Jen expected things to feel different, somehow, as though they hadn’t already acted like a couple for over a year, as though this wasn’t the natural next step, but maybe she wanted to feel as though this thing might change them – this line they were about to cross. But it didn’t. Everything was the same, down to the smile on Judy’s face when Jen got in from work that evening to find a glass of wine already poured for her, and the way they said goodnight to the boys like usual – Judy deciding to read to Henry until he fell asleep, just like every night. There was nothing special about the day, nothing exceptional (but God, was she happy, really, truly happy, for the first time since...ever), nothing to warn Jen that something earth-shattering was about to happen to her naive bubble of pretending this was what friends did – raised children together, and fell asleep in the same bed, and touched each other all the fucking time.

They brought their shared bottle of wine to the outdoor couch and half-heartedly put the TV on in the background, neither Jen nor Judy paying much attention to it, but simply enjoying one another’s company, taking each other in. It was always like this, this closeness, with Jen’s hand more often than not winding up on Judy’s thigh, and Judy’s head gently resting on Jen’s shoulder. This particular night, they weren’t even talking about much, just their day, lazily making conversation but both at peace enough to sit in comfortable silence sipping their wine. And it felt like _home,_ Jen thought, like this was what she was always supposed to feel, what she never felt with Ted, not even in the beginning. It felt like she could finally _breathe._ And something about the revelation made her bold enough to reach a hand to Judy’s chin, turning her face so she could look her in the eye.

“I love you, you know,” she said honestly, biting back tears. It was gross, being this vulnerable, this affectionate, but it was their kind of gross, and she was becoming used to the butterflies she felt swarm her stomach every time Judy’s eyes lit up whenever she said those three words. And boy, was it worth it. 

“I love you, too,” she said through a smile wide enough to make Jen’s insides flip, “where did that come from?” She nudged Jen’s shoulder slightly with her own, teasing. She was always teasing, and Jen playfully nudged her back, hard enough so she stumbled back a bit, igniting a full-blown laugh. 

“I just do, asshole.”

“Mmm, aren’t I lucky,” Judy grinned, leaning back in, closer this time, if that was humanly possible, and Jen felt her own breath hitch at the proximity. She was flirting, she was vaguely aware of that, could pinpoint Judy’s flirty moods and was used to them, but deep down, she thought maybe it was just who she was, that this is how she acted with anyone she cared about. And usually, the moment would disappear as soon as it arrived, Jen chasing after the rush it gave her, but never daring enough to really ask for it.

“Yeah, you fucking are,” she joked, because of course Judy knew she didn’t actually believe that. She still hated herself most days, and although she was working on it, it crept up every now and then, and they both knew it. But Judy threw her head back with a laugh anyway, and Jen watched every movement, the way her hair tumbled over the back of the couch, the way her chest rose slightly with each giggle (because that’s what she was doing, giggling like a drunken teenager and God, was it adorable). 

“Maybe that’s enough wine for you tonight,” Jen laughed when the giggles turned into something slightly more hysterical. 

“Noooo,” she whined, sitting up, and honest to God there was a _pout_ on her face, and she was tilting her head, and for a second Jen thought she knew exactly what she was doing, because suddenly her cheeks were flushed and she caught Judy smirking just slightly when she noticed. And it was out of her control, really, the way she pulled her hand so they were closer again, because she simply couldn’t stand not being close to Judy every fucking second of the day. But she pulled her too fast, or too hard, and Judy was suddenly inches from her face, a little gasp escaping her lips, and Jen felt it on her skin, could feel the heat of her breath against her cheek, against her _lips_ , and there was no coming back from this.

Judy was the one to lean in first, a little tentatively, but as soon as their lips touched it was like something had exploded inside of Jen, something volatile and something uncontrollable, something that had gotten buried beneath the wreckage of all the other shit she had to deal with all of this time. And she couldn’t help it, the way she deepened the kiss, and at first she was going to pull back, was going to apologise for the tongue she was all but shoving down her throat, but Judy was _moaning,_ honest to God _moaning_ into her mouth and it was perhaps the hottest thing Jen had ever heard in her life.

“Fuck,” was all she could mutter when they finally broke for air. They were out of breath, and Judy’s face was flushed, and her own chest was heaving, and Jesus, they were in their garden, making out for anyone to see, but she didn’t _care_. 

“I’m sorry, was that too much, I—” Judy started stuttering, her face falling, and Jen hated that look, she hated that tone, knowing full-well she would be willing to take the blame even though it was Jen who kissed her like a fucking teenage boy.

“No, no, Judy, stop, it’s okay.” She brought her hands to her face, brushing a stray curl behind Judy’s ear. She tried to soothe her, but there was still a crease in between her eyebrows, so she did what she thought was the only thing to do, and kissed her again.

It was slower this time, almost painfully slow, Jen brushing her fingers over Judy’s cheek and gently opening her mouth, running her tongue over her bottom lip. She couldn’t remember the last time she kissed someone like this, and she sure as hell couldn’t remember the last time she felt this turned on without even being touched. But God, she was desperate. Judy seemed to have the same idea, because suddenly her hands were pushing against Jen’s shoulders, shoving her against the couch, and then she was straddling her, her dress bunching up around her thighs. Just for a moment, Jen broke the kiss to watch her, raking her eyes from the exposed skin underneath her skirt to her chest, all the way up to her face, and it was only then, she realised with a blush, that Judy was watching her intently with a knowing smirk on her lips.

“You okay, Harding?” she joked, and there was no right for her to be so fucking hot right now, her hair a little messed up, her makeup slightly smudged. Jen let her hands trail from her thighs to her hips and she squeezed her slightly, eliciting a small gasp. 

“Fucking perfect,” she said as she leaned back, and that just made Judy laugh more. They watched each other for a beat or two, Judy's hips ever so gently grinding into Jen’s lap, and it was almost a challenge, almost as if they were willing the other to make the next move. If Jen was being honest with herself, she thought it would end there. She thought this perfect dream would end, and she’d wake with a start to an empty bed, or worse, to a sleeping and oblivious Judy, but somehow it didn’t. Somehow Judy was leaning in again, and her hands were in Jen’s hair, and it was all-encompassing and messy and embarrassing and Jen had never wanted something more in her entire life.

“Not here,” she mumbled into Judy’s lips.

“Hmm?”

“Bedroom. Now.”

“Wait, seriously?” Judy leaned back, her eyes dark with desire and maybe something close to disbelief. “You want that?”

“I am fucking eating your face right now, Judes,” she rolled her eyes, but really none of this was funny, none of this was a joke and her heart was racing beneath her chest bone. But Judy was smiling again, and biting her lip, and maybe she was blushing, just a little, and all Jen could do was wrap her in her arms. She lifted her so they were standing, but the wine – mixed with the fact Jen was pretty sure the kissing had made her dizzy – made her stumble with the weight of her and suddenly they were both tumbling backwards, Judy just managing to get her feet on the floor before they unceremoniously knocked the wine glasses off the table. 

“Oh shit!” Judy laughed, jumping slightly from Jen’s arms to avoid the glass. 

“Fuck!” Jen yelled at the same time, and maybe it was the fact they were tipsy, or maybe it was the fact a dam had opened and there was no way of turning back, but they both turned to each other and laughed, Judy bringing her hands up to Jen’s face and pulling her back in to another kiss.

“We can sort it out tomorrow.”

And really, they should’ve gone to the guesthouse, it was so much closer, but somehow Jen knew this was something that had to happen in their bedroom, in their bed (because, of course it was their bed now, of course Judy kept a pair of pyjamas in her dresser and a few dresses in her closet), and so they stumbled up the stairs, trying to hide their giggles in between kisses. 

When they finally made it to the bed, Jen suddenly froze. This was happening, this was _real,_ this was Judy. Her Judy. Her best friend. 

“Hey, are you okay? We can stop if it’s too much.” Judy’s voice was soft, and even in the low lighting she could see the creases in the corner of her eyes, and there was so much genuine love there, it made Jen’s heart ache.

“I’m fine,” Jen said as she pressed Judy further against the bed. If this was going to happen, it was gonna happen now. “Take this off,” she tugged at the hem of her dress.

“Ooh, someone’s eager,” Judy smirked, but did exactly as she was told.

Sure, Jen had seen Judy undress a few times since they became friends, nothing out of the ordinary, but seeing her like this, standing before her in just her underwear, her eyes wide and wanting, Jen suddenly felt the uncomfortable heat building between her legs.

“God, you’re beautiful,” she couldn’t help but whisper. That made Judy smile again, and she leaned in for another kiss just as she pulled them both onto the bed. It didn’t take long for Judy to get Jen out of her jeans and shirt, and something about this felt so incredibly _right_ , Jen almost forgot about her scars when Judy’s fingers hovered over the clasp of her bra. Almost.

“Not yet,” she shook her hand away, and Judy’s lips turned downwards a little, the crease returning between her eyebrows.

“It’s okay, Jen. You’re beautiful. Fuck, you’re beautiful. You can be open with me,” she soothed, running her hand down the length of her back.

“I know, I know, okay. But not yet.” She could feel a lump in her throat and knew she couldn’t ruin this moment with fucking crying (again), and so instead she pressed down hard with both hands against Judy’s hips, revelling in the way she yielded and arched her back just slightly at the contact. “Mmm, it’s your turn first.”

“Oh?” 

Slowly, Jen trailed her fingers up the inside of Judy’s thigh, watching as goosebumps followed the path of her hand. She was writhing a little under her touch, her hands making fists in the pillow above her head, and Jen’s mouth went dry. She had envisioned this moment, sometimes in her sleep, other times when she was alone and had her vibrator between her legs, but nothing could have prepared her for how gorgeous Judy looked right now, with her hair splayed across the pillow.

“Fuck, you’re hot,” she almost growled, surprised at the huskiness in her voice.

“Oh yeah?” 

“Mmm, take this off,” she demanded, her hands reaching the lace of Judy’s bra.

“Yes ma’am,” Judy giggled, reaching behind her back. Jen rolled her eyes at that, but she sobered entirely when the garment was gone, thrown somewhere behind them. Before she could register what was happening, Judy was pulling the fabric of her underwear down her thighs and throwing that, too, to the other side of the bedroom.

She had never been with a woman before, at least not like this. Sure, she had kissed women in college (and maybe, maybe there had been some inappropriate touching here and there, but strictly nothing past second base), but she thought that wasn’t for her, thought that was normal among college friends, but all of a sudden there was a very hot, very naked, and very turned on Judy Hale in her bed and she wasn’t exactly sure how to handle the feelings that overwhelmed her entire body at the sight of her. 

She must have been silent for a while, because Judy’s eyes suddenly softened, and she pulled her in close.

“It’s okay, follow my lead,” she whispered into her ear. Of course Judy would know she was feeling insecure. She always knew. Of course she would be so fucking caring. Jen felt Judy’s hands run down the length of her arms before reaching her wrists, pulling them up so she could touch her chest. She let out an audible breath at the feeling of her beneath her hands, so warm and so soft. Gradually, she began to get more confident, rolling a finger over a hardened nipple and gasping as Judy leaned further into the touch, her own little sigh leaving her lips with a rush of heat Jen could feel against her skin.

Being with a woman was different. Being with _Judy_ was different. Leaning over her, she traced the curve of her waist with her finger, before circling back to her inner thigh, making soft patterns there, delighting in the little noises Judy was making (and of course she managed to be cute and insanely sexy at the same time).

“Please,” she begged, pushing her hips up into Jen’s hands. She wanted nothing more than to make her scream right now, to fuck her until she was gasping her name, but still, she hesitated, terrified she was about to fuck it all up. There was a heaviness in the air around them: a musky kind of mixture between lust and love, but fear, too. They were standing on the precipice, it seemed, about to tumble all the way off. 

“Jude, I want to, I do, it’s just, I…I’ve never…” she trailed off and she sounded so pathetic, Jen cursed herself for even saying anything at all. It’s not like it was rocket science. She touched herself plenty to know what the fuck to do.

“Oh, honey, come here,” Judy said softly, pulling her into her body, kissing her on the forehead. After a few moments, she reached for her hand again, but this time she guided her between her legs. When she felt the soft, wet heat beneath her fingers Jen couldn’t contain the guttural moan that left her lips. It was embarrassing really, how much it turned her on to feel Judy like this, for _her._

“God, you’re so wet,” she murmured into Judy’s neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses into her skin as her fingers worked up a rhythm. She dragged slow strokes up and down, wanting to make this last as long as possible.

“Mhmm,” was all Judy could manage in response, her eyes drifting closed and head leaning further back into the pillows. Jen continued her soft explorations, kissing down her chest and running her tongue along each nipple, smirking as Judy’s moans got louder with each touch. Jen never knew she could enjoy something this much, watching as the woman beneath her slowly lost control, her mouth dropping open and her hands grabbing the sheets next to them. 

When it happened, when she could feel the muscles tighten beneath her fingers, and Judy’s soft little gasps picked up pace, Jen honestly thought she might die. She watched her come with a fascination and wonder she never knew was possible; she always imagined herself to look embarrassing during orgasm, and never in a million years did she think it could actually be something she found _attractive_ , but watching as Judy’s thighs began to shake with the aftershocks of her climax, a dazed smile on her lips, she thought there could be no sight better than this.

She was about to say as much when Judy, her voice low and sleepy, mumbled, “Clearly, you’re a fast learner.”

They both fell into fits of giggles at that, Jen lying down next to Judy and brushing her hair, a little wet with sweat, out of her face. 

And perhaps she did feel a little insecure when Judy finally did unhook her bra, and maybe a few tears did trail down her cheeks as Judy kissed her scars with as much love and care as she could muster, but nothing, not even her own orgasm, could erase that view from her mind. She vowed she would spend the rest of her life trying to make Judy feel as good as she possibly could.

******

The second time they slept together came almost a week later, because God, life just _had_ to get in the way of Jen’s newfound sexual awakening, and work was a disaster, and Judy was busy too because suddenly they were understaffed, and all Jen could think about for 7 fucking days straight was the way Judy had looked naked. She replayed the night over and over again, at work, in the car, as she was trying to sleep. She knew Judy was thinking about it too, because whenever they would catch a moment alone together, her eyes would indiscreetly rake across her entire body, as if she was sizing her up, and it sent a thrill all the way down Jen’s spine. Judy had stayed in the guesthouse the last few nights, almost as if it was impossible now to keep their hands off each other if they shared a bed, and really, it was for the best, because Jen was exhausted, but each night it felt as though a small part of her heart was elsewhere.

This particular night, Jen had sent the boys to stay with Lorna because God forbid, she needed a fucking break, and although she loved them with her entire heart, Judy was wearing an almost obscenely short floral dress and Jen wasn’t sure exactly how long it was going to take for her self-control to wither to nothing. She knew Judy was doing it on purpose because they were in the kitchen, supposedly making dinner, and she kept “dropping” things, just so she could bend down in the most obviously flirtatious way, and it wasn’t even sexy, it was _completely_ ridiculous, but it was Judy, and she was fucking adorable. And so maybe, just maybe, it was working. 

As Judy was leaning past her to grab the spices, purposefully pushing her entire body into her side, Jen grabbed her by the waist and shoved her face in the curve of her neck. 

“You’re such a fucking tease,” she groaned, leaving soft kisses from her jawline to her shoulder.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Judy laughed, feigning innocence, but she leaned back into Jen, pulling her arms further around her waist. 

“Oh really?” 

“Mhm.”

“So...you don’t want me to do this?” She slowly dragged her hands down her waist until she reached the hem of Judy’s dress at her upper thigh. She stopped there, waiting. 

“Do what?” She asked, and Jen could hear the devilish grin in her voice, and she swore she was getting wet just from that. Only Judy could make her come undone so quickly. 

Without hesitating, Jen spun her around in her arms before pushing her back into the kitchen island behind them. Judy gasped, her eyes wide and a smirk lighting up her face. A little, “oh,” left her lips, and she quickly wrapped her arms around Jen’s neck, pulling her closer. They kissed like their life depended on it, like they weren’t supposed to be preparing dinner, like they weren’t middle-aged women making out in broad daylight in the middle of the kitchen like teenagers. Their hands were everywhere all at once, tangled in hair, roaming each other’s bodies, before Jen’s settled between Judy’s thighs, pushing her dress up to her waist. 

“Oh, god,” Judy moaned, leaning her head back, “Please.”

“Oh, yeah, you want me to fuck you right here?” And Jen had no idea where this confidence was coming from, but something was bubbling within her, and it was a furnace, lighting every nerve end on fire. 

“Yes, fuck, yes.”

Smirking, she quickly pulled her underwear down her legs, letting it fall somewhere above her knees, and wasted no time running her fingers up her inner thigh. She could tell Judy was wet before she even touched her, could see it in the bright light of the kitchen, and Jen had to swallow hard before continuing, wondering for a moment how she ever doubted this was something she wanted. She never felt this with Ted: this need, this _want_ , a desire so acute it made her ache. She never wanted to watch every movement flicker over his face as she touched him, not like this, not like right now, drinking Judy in bit by bit as her eyes fluttered shut and her hands turned white in their grip on the island. 

It wasn’t slow this time. It was rushed, and hard, and messy. She fucked her with a passion and a heat she felt had been building for a year now, like every little touch here and there had led to this moment, pressing the woman she loved (because she could admit that now, in the safety of her own head, she loved her, was _in love_ with her) against the counter and watching as the ecstasy overtook her face. She watched her come with just as much intensity as the first time. This time, with the lights on and her dress bunched up to her waist, she saw the muscles of her stomach twitch as the orgasm spread through her body. Her head fell back more violently this time, her hair tumbling over her shoulders, and she screamed, she actually _screamed_. She was panting, entirely out of breath, and when it was over, Jen pulled her underwear back up her legs and under her dress, and somehow, despite the state they were in, despite the fact her fingers were still wet, it was the most intimate thing she had done for anyone, perhaps in her whole life. With a light squeeze of her ass for good measure (and because this moment was dangerously close to bringing out emotions Jen wasn’t yet prepared to deal with, and God, how pathetic would it be to confess your undying love when you’d just fucked someone against a kitchen counter), Jen turned around and washed her hands and got back to the cooking like it was the most normal thing in the world. Perhaps it was.

******

It wasn’t like they really talked about it, this new element to their relationship. Judy was happy that Jen was so at ease with it all, and Jen didn’t want to ruin it by talking about _feelings_ and _labels_ , and really, she wasn’t even sure what this meant, because they were already co-parenting, and sharing a bed, so what difference did sex make? Except, it did make a difference, because Jen was dealing with feelings she had never felt in her life and she wasn’t sure how to word any of it. She thought about the women Judy had slept with, wondered exactly how _many_ she had slept with, how many she had dated, because while they’d discussed Judy’s bisexuality, she never asked numbers, but now all of a sudden, as Judy drove her insane with her tongue between her legs, she couldn’t help but feel a little...jealous?

After a mind-altering orgasm, and Judy giggling with pride (earning a playful push from Jen), she lay down beside her, and began tracing invisible patterns on her arm.

“How did you, uh, know?” Jen asked, avoiding eye contact.

“Know what?”

“You know, that you liked women,” she continued, but she was suddenly self-conscious, and it sounded stupid, and she quickly grabbed the blankets and pulled them further over her chest.

“Oh! I guess I always knew,” she started, leaning up on her elbow so she could see Jen more clearly. “But it took me a while to admit it. I think I was...17 maybe, when I, like, _knew_ knew.” 

“And how did you _know_ know?” 

“Where is this coming from?” Judy asked, a little amused. She shifted her head slightly in her hand, watching Jen intently.

“I don’t know, I’m just curious. I never asked,” she shrugged, as though her heart wasn’t racing.

“Okay, well, there was this girl I’d see sometimes, just walking in the neighbourhood, and I thought she was _the_ most beautiful girl I’d ever seen in my life,” she said, grinning, and her smile made Jen smile too. “And things were tough, you know. I was pretty alone.” Her face fell a little, the pain from her past evident in the frown that overtook the beautiful smile that was so wide just a moment earlier. 

“Judy...you don’t have to,” Jen said softly, rubbing her cheek gently with her thumb. 

“No, no, it’s fine. Anyway, so I kinda became friends with this girl. She would invite me to her place and we’d like...get high and talk about shit, and skip school.”

“Judy Hale skipping school? Please…”

“I did! She was kind of a badass, this girl,” she winked, and Jen was laughing again, the butterflies in her stomach abating a little. 

“Of course,” she rolled her eyes, still smiling.

“I had the biggest crush on her. And well...we got a little tipsy one night and I kissed her.”

“No shit! What happened?”

“Uh...she kinda freaked out,” she winced as she said the words, and suddenly Jen wanted to fight anyone that ever hurt her, even slightly. “She ran out and I didn’t really see her much after that.”

“Oh…”

“Sorry, that isn’t the best story, is it?” she rolled on her back, scrunching her nose up in that adorable Judy way. 

“Not great,” Jen laughed, “but that’s how you figured it out?”

“Yeah, I couldn’t really deny it anymore after that.”

“And, there were others? When you were a teenager?” Jen asked, her voice nervous again. Judy looked at her questioningly, and Jen had to look away.

“A few. Are you sure you’re okay? You can talk to me, you know that,” she said softly, turning back on her side. There was such love in her eyes, just like always, and Jen had to fight back tears.

“Do you think...there’s something wrong with me? That I didn’t, you know, _know_ then,” she almost whispered, “or like, fucking _ever?_ ”

“Oh, Jen,” she cooed, pulling her into her chest. “There’s nothing wrong with you.” She kissed her on the head, and Jen let the tears fall, feeling gross and vulnerable, but loved. So loved. She didn’t think she was deserving of it.

“Who just fucking realises they might be gay when they’re in their mid-fucking-40s?”

“A lot of people,” Judy said like it was nothing and that made Jen genuinely laugh, because of course she would say that, and of course she would make it sound somewhat believable. “But I’m glad I could be your lesbian awakening.” And that made them both start laughing even harder, until Jen sat up, shoving her playfully.

“Shut the fuck up,” she rolled her eyes.

“Seriously, it’s an honour,” Judy teased, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

“You’re an asshole.”

“A cute asshole?”

“Ugh, the fucking cutest. It’s a bit sickening, actually.”

And Jen realised this may be the first time in her entire life everything seemed to slot right into place. 

******

She had never been a morning person, especially not on weekends, but somehow waking up to Judy every day, her arms wrapped around her body, made Jen reconsider. Her whole life had turned upside down, everything she thought was true was bullshit, so why not be a morning person now? It would make complete fucking sense. Mornings became the quietest part of the day, the brief moment of peace they had together in bed before the boys came crashing into the kitchen wanting breakfast, and Jen found herself looking forward to them each day. Judy would always wake up first, staring at her as she opened her eyes, and it should have made her cringe, that she was watching her sleep, but it didn't. 

“Weirdo,” she mumbled anyway, because let’s be honest, she had a reputation to uphold here, and because it made Judy smile that adorable sleepy smile she loved so much. She stretched as she yawned, pushing the covers away from her slightly, and sure, Jen was barely awake, but Judy was only in an oversized t-shirt and the way it rode up her thighs made Jen ache a little. 

“I’m going in the shower,” she announced, promptly standing up and Jen just groaned, wanting at least a few more moments in bed before they started their daily routine. 

“Ugh,” she said, throwing a pillow in her direction.

“Hey! I was just gonna ask if you wanted to come with me,” she said suggestively, and Jen’s eyes flew open at that, looking up at Judy with her mouth hanging slightly ajar.

“Seriously?” She asked, a little hesitant. They’d been sleeping together for a few weeks now, but nudity was still difficult for Jen, especially in broad daylight, and she couldn’t help but feel a little terrified at the prospect of showering together. Plus, shower sex was entirely overrated.

“Come oooon,” Judy whined, pulling Jen up by the arm.

“Fine! Fine! It’s a good job I love you.” She said it jokingly, and really, it shouldn’t have been a big deal because they’d said I love you a million times, but something about the circumstances, something about the way Judy was wearing her clothes (and fuck, did she look good in them), something about the way she had spent a very large proportion of the night with her head between Judy’s thighs, made the statement feel different somehow. She paused a little awkwardly and Judy faltered slightly, biting her lip and avoiding her eyes. They had to talk about this, she knew that, but she really _did_ look hot in her t-shirt and her lace panties and so she pushed the awkwardness aside and grabbed her by the waist and spun her in her arms, pushing her further towards the bathroom.

And as she pulled her shirt over Judy’s head and gently pushed her under the streaming water, Jen thought, perhaps shower sex with _men_ was overrated, but this felt intoxicating. She pushed her lips hungrily against Judy’s and felt her arms snake around her neck, pulling her in. They always kissed like this, as though they needed to be closer, always closer, even when there was no physical space left between their bodies. It was still slightly awkward, and slippy, and maybe it wasn’t Jen’s _favourite_ place to have sex, but she still watched with just as much awe as Judy rested her head against the tiles, her wet hair clinging to her face and shoulders as Jen touched her softly. 

“More,” she sighed, her voice barely audible over the spray of the showerhead.

“Already?” Jen laughed, teasing her with her fingers, dragging slow agonising strokes over her clit. She felt Judy’s hips buck towards her, seeking out more, and Jen had to bite down on her own lip to stop from moaning. This was her favourite thing, making Judy beg for it.

“Please, Jen, I need it.”

“Mhm, you need what, baby?” And it was the first time she had used the pet name like this, and for a second she thought maybe Judy wouldn’t like it, but suddenly she was gasping harder, her hips grinding further into her hand.

“You….” she trailed off, a slight blush turning her cheeks an adorable pink, “inside me.”

“Fuck,” Jen couldn’t help but moan this time, leaning in and kissing her hard as she gave her exactly what she wanted.

It didn’t take long after that, just a few curls of her fingers, and Judy was crashing down on her, desperate and begging for breath, and Jen wondered exactly how she seemed to get more and more beautiful with each orgasm she dragged out of her. 

“I love you,” she whispered into her ear when Judy’s body had stopped shaking, and her breath had returned to normal. The shower was still running but the water was getting cold, and she was shivering slightly, but she didn’t care, because Judy looked up at her with tears in her eyes and reached up to kiss her nose softly.

“I love you, too.”

“No, but I mean, I’m in love with you, Judy,” Jen emphasised, watching as the water dripped down her chest.

“I know,” Judy smiled, and Jen looked her right in the eye this time, managed to wipe away her own tears before Judy could tell it wasn’t just the shower, and leaned in once again. “I’m in love with you too, idiot.”

“Was it that obvious?” She laughed, leaning her forehead against Judy’s.

“Mmm, just a little bit,” she smirked.

“I guess I’m always the last to know,” she said with an exaggerated eye roll, but really, she was so content she didn’t think even another murder could dampen her spirits.

They would have to tell Charlie and Henry soon, and Jen wasn’t sure how to explain that their mom just _may_ be a lesbian, but she knew they would figure it out, together. For now, it was enough to turn off the shower, wrap herself and Judy in a towel, and fight over whose turn it was to do the dishes. 

(Judy won in the end, but really, she had an unfair disadvantage because Jen was dressed, and Judy wasn’t, and how could she _possibly_ say no?) 


End file.
